Engaged … to One’s Fate! Women - when they enter new relationships, make a commitments, widen their circle, bind new ties, do they really embrace new people, give them access into their lives, or do they abandon themselves further to their fates? Do we get engaged to guys? Or do we get engaged to our fates? Life’s burden is already heavy enough. Responsibilities to carry forth, people to take care of. Where the “I” would only be allowed to be important in the silence of your bedroom, upon the 25th hour. There are lighter moments here and there, but then the quintessential loneliness rules. It rules even now! They, those around you, those so-called ‘well-wishers” tell you always that if you are alone, single, then it’s heavier - they think that u r an idealist, either that or you are plainely a lesbian. You finally take the plunge - another one. Yet it still is lonely, it still is dark. Darkness that u can't cut through - heavy, heavier, thick, thicker... So why does it still feel heavier, when you acquire the ‘twain part’, the significant other? It does because then as your dowry, you get a truckload of expectations, duties, rules, and insecurities. His insecurity, the inlaws’ expectations, your parents’ expectations, your relatives’ expectations. There are whether's: Whether this is proper or that? Would this look or that? Would they like this or not? Then comes the should’s: You should do this and not that. You shouldn’t say this, wear this, go there, talk to so and so; basically, you shouldn’t feel. And if you do, don’t say it. Don’t show it! Then comes the What if’s: What if this happens, what if that happens, what if all this is an elaborate lie, a mini dream in a siesta or a prolonged nightmare? Forever…? Why do my shoulders feel even more heavier now? Why do my independence, tastes, indulgences, quirkiness and the “so-called” emotional intelligence seem like a threat? Why the mentioning of the mere word trousseau give me a panic attack? Why does the lil piece of fairy tale seem to be a cacophony, the third act of a freakish play? Why is it not about you and me, and us, and why is it about your relatives and the whole damn world! But then who are you? A voice at the other end of the world, an image? Just a voice, just an image, a feeling…the feeling or a mere feeling - ironically getting hazier now! Where is the 'happily lived ever after in my fairy tale?' It would be there na? Someone assure me plz! Or would I be cheated, would I be let down again? Who ever said that it would get better or easier the second time around? I have taken a plunge into the dark…pray that I swim and not sink!

Insecurity Knocks from Time to Time Let it in For a Cup of Coffee. Talk With It. Understand It. Then take a Sugar Spoon and Poke It into the EYE.