An Untitled Life Thank you, how simple words of familiar strangers become your lifeline. Couldn’t sleep, pray, pee even yesterday bcz of seeing how hard my mother was taking it, of how the parents keep rattling every pre-engagement detail, in order to find out some sign of deception. And I am tried too, still try to recall the person’s words and actions, But the best part is that my parents agree that it can’t go on. These people are trying to get away with so many things (or maybe it’s their idea of a normal relationship), just under the engaged banner. They would want to get away with murder if they would find make the legal claimants upon me. The initial outrage gradually turned into the dread and compulsion of telling people that it’s off, when you have just stopped sending of the methi. Yet we have to face it. But bfr that, it would be about letting the cat out of the bag, allowing the in laws to reveal their true intentions and not just send smoke signals. But in my heart of heart, I know it’s over. For a moment, I fooled myself into thinking that it was easier the second time around. No it isn’t. Today I had a really important session to conduct in front of a full class of nosy adult learners. Couldn’t do it, but couldn’t escape and then it was useless trying to do that. So, I did it feigning flu, whenever that helpless feeling and misery ebbed over me. It was damn hard. By the time, I ended I was shaking uncontrollably. Was in a mood to break down back in my room, but then there were people sitting in the room that I share. Resisted! That’s the way it is – at the moment. I know whatever is happening is happening for the better, yet I feel tired, yet I feel outraged for being doped, for being taken along for a free ride. When would it end? Where is the point when it starts getting any better? There is far more heart ache out there, then I have endured. Yet the part about counting the blessing still doesn’t lessen the pain.